What marriage looks like in our family
I have been married to my husband, whom I call “Burris”, going on six years now. When I met the lovely man who would make me a wife, I had been sitting at the runners’ block in a ready-set-go position for (what felt like) a long time. I was a 26- year-old Christian woman who was very much looking forward to being married and honoring God in my new role as a wife. What I didn’t know, or see coming, was how much God was going to honor me in our marriage as my Perfect Husband…
It has been nearly 8 months since I caught my husband in adultery with a past coworker. It had been going on for eighteen months, and I had no idea. I thought our marriage was going along just fine; I still liked my husband very much and considered him my best friend. That being said, there are no words that adequately describe how deeply painful a betrayal like this is. I felt scared, alone, confused, angry, hopeless, and spiteful. I even sat down to calculate and make a list for God how I had cooked, kept a clean house, gave birth to 3 children in 3 years, made my husband a lunch each morning for work, laughed often and had a sex life that was not lacking in quality nor quantity. I made clear to God that I was the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman (looking out for lightning to strike me as I write this).
While today Burris and I are in the process of sorting through the rubble of our marriage, no spouse deserves to be cheated on. Ever. I am assured over and over again by our counselor that this is not my fault and there was nothing I could have done better or differently to keep it from happening. Which at first sounded like healing words, but truthfully, it only made me feel more angry.
Why angry? Because I am a slave to being a perfect homemaker. I live in such a way so I can deem myself the title “Excellent Wife”, putting all my hope in it alone. Being an excellent wife is a good and godly desire, but I expect that working hard in my home will keep my husband satisfied at all times and keep him from doing something like this to me. He would never fail me nor forsake me, as long as I do _____.
Oh my sweet friend! Aren’t we all believing this lie on some level? Doesn’t a small part of your heart cry out, “me too”? There is hope! In the storm of adultery and betrayal I saw King Jesus!. All of the focus and energy I put into being a perfect wife is now slowly being redirected into marveling at God and His faithfulness toward me in Christ while our marriage is a mess. He is not only binding my very real wounds, but he has freed me from the bondage of a standard I could never live up to. Having been stripped of my title, and sharing with others the embarrassing news that my husband has sinned, has caused me to cling to Christ alone and what He has done for me. I am now free to be an imperfect housewife, loved by God.
“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1 John 4:10
Leslie is a wife and mother of three children living in Denver, Colorado. She loves coffee, teaching about essential oils, and writing. She shares her story of adultery and the ways God is working through the mess to bring her and her husband closer to Him, and each other. You can follow her story at LeslieBurris.com.